The Debate

couple2There’s always the debate of the single life being better than in a relationship life or vice versa. My blog today focuses on that. I’m going to break both into Pros and Cons. We’ve all had that thought cross our mind. Hell, when we’re single we think during our dry spell, “Man…I wish I had someone to watch Family Guy with me.” (That is totally not a personal thought.). Then, when we’re in a relationship 5 months or a year in and think, “WOW! I want to be down the shore partying with my boys!!” We can’t have the best of both worlds (Actually, we can. Ya got to be sneaky though because if you get caught, Armageddon’s going to happen and I do not mean the movie…well it could be like the movie because you’ll end up being upset/pissed because Bruce Willis dies.) Also, I’m married so this is all very neutral (I don’t want my wife to kill me, LOVE YOU BABE!)

Pros for Being Single

Not Answering To No One

This one I feel is one of the best things about being single. You’re bored on a Thursday night your friend calls you, “Dude…2 chicks. Their apartment. I got a bottle. Suit up!!” (I’ve been watching How I Met Your Mother this rarely happens in real life) You can just get up and leave your house. You don’t have to think about an excuse to tell your girlfriend just because you’re leaving your house. Nights when you tell your girlfriend you’re gonna go grab a beer and instead you end up sleeping on a couch in a random apartment in New York city because your friend is, ” Getting his” you don’t have to tell him as soon as he gets out of the girls room with a big goofy smile like a kid that kissed his crush by playing spin the bottle, ” Listen! I slept at your house!” Nope you don’t have to do that, instead…you might try to get a 3-some with that girl and have GREAT diner conversation.

single1Exercising

You are hands down in the best shape of your life when you are single. You have time to go to the gym because you didn’t make plans with your girlfriend. Your schedule is, work, gym, dinner, and relax. Maybe even, work, gym, and partying. Shit…you might not even go to the gym and just go straight to Happy Hour. Look at that and you don’t have to tell your girlfriend, “I’m grabbing some beers with the co-workers.” (Exceptional example). The thing is being single, you care about your body, and you get confidence from going to the gym. You wanna look good for girls at the bar, beach, and even Barnes and Noble. If you’re in a relationship you don’t care. You got a girl who cares about you for who you are (AW!) Since being married, I have gained 12 pounds. After I work out (if I work out) my protein shake is milk…with Oreo’s.

The “Hot Streak”

Being single and going through your, “Hot Streak” is a very powerful moment for any man. Your confidence is through the roof (Ladies it’s like being the son of Cristiano Ronaldo, George Clooney, and Justin Bieber’s haircut). That confidence that women LOVE. Women love confidence, why do you think they like “Cocky” guys? Girls feel it, they’re attracted to it. You tell me when you’re at a bar and you see a guy walk in with a baggy shirt, beard, and looks like he’s been unemployed for 4 years to the guys walking chin up high, smile/laughing and comfortable in his skin. Which one is the girl going to pick? I’ll eat some more chips…Yes. The guy comfortable in his skin and having a great time with his friends because that week he’s bagged 2 women and he doesn’t care if he gets ass because he’s got their number saved on his phone and we all know how drunk texting works.

When Your Relationship Friend Is Fighting With His Girlfriend And Your Glad You’re Not In That Pickle

There is no greater moment when you’re drinking and right next to you, your friends girlfriend is yelling at him, “I saw the way you looked at her!!!”. And all he did was ask for a drink. That moment is like being at Express and you grab the last shirt that’s your size. You are so thankful. First thing you even say to your single friend that’s to your left is, “I am so happy I’m single.”.

couple3Being Single Has The Best Stories

The single life will and always has the best stories. The thing is. Most of the times we don’t remember those stories, but when we wake up from our hang over first thing we say is, “Last night was epic.”. When you go to vacation with 3 of your single friends to Montreal (HIGHLY recommended) and come back and exchange stories with your friend who’s in a relationship and just finished coming back from Dominican Republic. Single story will win. Single guy, “We went to a strip club right. These 3 strippers got Phil’s number and then they called us and we ended up going to a night club where they were at and we got comped. Free bottles and drinks then we stayed at one of the strippers place…Giggity. How was your vacation?” Relationship guy, “Well, we snorkeled, and then had dinner at this Italian place. Melissa got sick after from the food because it was really Dominican food with Parmesan cheese on it. Other than that, the open bar was good and we were in bed by 10:30 pm most of the nights.”. Hmm, god which to pick?

Cons of Being Single

Waste Money

Being single, we go out A LOT. We buy clothes to look good. We go out more to, bars, bad dates, and lounges. We buy drinks for girls, and then they tell us that they have a boyfriend after 2 hours of buying drink/shots (Well done wearing the low cut shirt and putting glitter on your breasts.). We want to be on the prowl for women and with that you need to waste money (One of the reasons I am happy that I am married, no more games, EXCEPT FOR FIFA OR NHL, SON!)

If Your One Single Friend Doesn’t Come Your the, “Wheel”

When I was single, my group of friends that I would hang out with would have girlfriends (4 out of 5) and if my one single friend wouldn’t come, I would be the wheel.  It’s one of the worst things for your ego.  Not in the beginning of the night, but once everyone starts drinking and getting lovey dovey, that’s when you start feeling like that lonely guy eating by himself at the Applebee’s bar.  The car ride back home with everyone in their significant others arms sleeping is also a smack to the face, but hey, who doesn’t enjoy porn in their room in the dark when their lightly buzzed at 3 A.M., I MEAN AM I RIGHT PEOPLE!!?!?!?!

Taking Couple Pictures

Being out and one of your friends girlfriends has a camera. She takes pictures of the guys, the ladies, action pictures. Then the moment comes. She goes, “Hey can you take a picture of the couples?” or “Hey can you take a picture of me and my loveee?” (You got to picture the voice people use when they talk to their pets for the word love.). Wow, isn’t that moment fun!? Might as well say, “Hey we all found somebody! Keep being a creeper and go on girls Facebook profile  and check their “Me,Myself, and I” photo album” (My friend told me that’s what he does)

Holiday’s Suck

Christmas, Valentines, and New Year’s. These are the holiday’s that if you’re single, you want a girlfriend. Some guys are reading this, “chyaaa, right!”. Suck it, that’s a lie. You never watched Love Actually, Just Friends, or Christmas Vacation and thought, “wow, being in love isn’t bad.” (sigh). Valentine’s day that’s the day the single girls want it?! No…no it’s not. I’ve been single for every Valentine’s day except for one in my life(that ex was CRAZY and I did NOT love her.) and since I have been married. If there are single girls on Valentine’s day going out. They’re going to do a “Ladies Night”, they’re going to not want anything from any guy. Ya, maybe you’ll get a number and it’ll lead to something in the future, but on that night you are the evil ex who broke her heart or her friends. If you DO get lucky on Valentine’s day…get checked for an STD. If she’s by herself at a bar, it’s for a reason. New Year’s you see everyone kissing their girl, you call your mom at midnight.

Pros for Being in a Relationship

Sex Is Better

Sex in a relationship is better. Yeah I said it. Okay, we’ll have some good ones when were single, but it’s because both parties were drunk and sloppy. Then if you see her/him again, there is no sexual chemistry and the sex is like a 5 year old boy grabbing a Ken and Barbie doll an hitting them awkwardly together. In a relationship you and your girl can experiment. Dress up, role playing, hand cuffs, candle wax, outdoors, shower, pool, at a company picnic, etc. What’s  my point? You guys are comfortable with each other. She knows you, understands you, as you do with her. You can giggle if she dresses up as a French maid and she doesn’t get embarrassed because it’s you giggling not some guy she met 2 days ago. Then all of a sudden she does a hell of a French accent and 5 minutes later your outside smoking a cigarette thinking, “I can NOT wait to go back inside…”

Sharing Moments

This one I think is beautiful. You got promoted following with a raise at your job. First person you call is her/him and tell her/him, “I got a raise!”. They are so happy for you. It could honestly be for anything, you got a home run in your softball league and you hear your girlfriend screaming, ” YEAH BABE!”, Bowling you get a strike and she jumps on your back full of excitement (we see it at bowling lanes all the time). You share these moments and others because you guys are a team.

Someone Always There For You

Something wrong happens with your family, work, or problems with your car. You can tell that person your problems and they will be there for you. Trying to help you. Comfort you. They might even give a suggestion that works and gets you out of your problem. Goes back to my previous point, you guys are a team.

Make Up Sex

The best kind of sex. Also, the craziest. You guys screaming, spit flying everywhere like when a fat guy cannon balls to a pool. She/he threatens to leave, you guys cause a scene on your driveway, decide to take it back inside. Then, you realize…What the hell were you guys arguing about? Give a few kisses. Say sorry. Then all of a sudden the sex happens and when you guys are done it looks like Taz from Looney Tunes was in your bedroom and tried to steal your mattress.

Cons of Relationship

Loss of Excitement-

Each relationship gets to that point. In the beginning, you guys would see each other all the time, not get tired of one another; go on these exciting dates to New York, Boston, Toronto, etc. Fast forward, you’ve been to her/his house 3 times this week wearing the same sweat pants the same 3 times. Your dates consist of going to Blockbuster or Redbox and Dunkin Donuts. The most exciting thing in your relationship that happens is when you get an extra chicken nugget at McDonald’s. Then, you guys go home and eat on your bed and pass out with a half-bitten chicken nugget in your hand.  This is something you have to work on. Go to the movies, Dave and Buster, anything fun that will make you remember why you’re with this person.

couple1Breaking Up-

If it’s a mutual thing it’s not SO bad (you still have sex for another 6 months), but when you see your ex talking to someone. Jealousy kicks in. You might start a scene where ever you are. Then, drunk phone calls and text messages. The next morning you feel like an idiot. If one of the parties decides enough is enough. I feel for that other person. It is the most depressing shit ever. You’ll hear Dashboard Confessional in the dark. Drink more. I don’t know why, but cigarettes taste better with a broken heart. Eating is just impossible. We’ve all watched, Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It’s like that, minus Jason Segel naked in the living room. But things end, so you can have a new beginning or like a lot of relationships nowadays.  They end for 3 months and you’re back with the same person by Christmas.

Getting Cheated On-

It’s just messed up. The other person is giving it their all, but the other is “playing poker with the guys” or she’s, ” having a ladies night.”, but you end up finding out a month later “Ladies night” was at a guys apartment and “Playing poker with the guys” was at Motel 6 on Route 9. If you’re cheating, don’t have the best of both worlds. Grow up and tell that person you’re just not into it anymore.

Weekends Are Gone-

You had a rough week at work. Worked a bunch of over time. All you want to do is sleep in Friday and wake up Saturday at 3 P.M. and get hammered that night. Wait…you can’t. Your g/f promised her parents you guys would go out for breakfast Saturday and go the Museum of Natural History all day Saturday. You can’t use sick days for relationships, right?

Income-

You’re not just paying for you all the time now my friend.  You go out to dinner. You pay for him/her. Out for drinks, yup again. Go on a vacation she/he doesn’t have enough money. Once again, you’re in for the rescue and pay for half his/her ticket! Yes, you can save some money by having the whole “Blockbuster Night” for 2 weekends in a row. You go out the next 2 weekends. You buy shots for your friends and if she’s a trooper, your girlfriend. You buy drinks for him/her most of the time. Ya, she/he might get you a drink or two, but the money you guys saved that weekend on a “Blockbuster night” is gone to Christie’s ‘Stronger Than the Storm’ campaign because cocktail drinks are twelve dollars and bottle of water is eight at Surf Club.

Verdict

It all comes down to timing, connection, and how we feel in our lives.  If it feels right we’ll get into a relationship or get out of it.  I’m married, I absolutely love it. My wife is my best friend.  Single life was great to, but it was also a chapter in my life I can look back on and remember and call the “good ole’ days”.  It’s all about timing…and if you got condoms, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYINGGGGG (Fresh Prince of Bel-Air voice)