Category: Bumperpodcast

Yeah. So, wait, hold on. So, where are we again? >> I think we're Well, I think we're in Florida, but I don't really >> No.

What? What do you mean you don't really You don't know where your ear your ear? >> Did you just say ear? You mean are you don't know who you are?

>> Yeah, that's that's what I That's what I was trying to say. Well, yeah, but I So, I got on a train somewhere and uh while I was driving using the map on my phone, which I used to get everywhere, the phone service just decided to break and so I didn't know where I was going. Um, and I had to stop every so often to um to find Wi-Fi and to like, you know, update the map. And it was terrible.

And it made me very nervous and stressed and pretty much uh late. >> So did you So you got on the train? >> Yes, I got on the train. I I I don't know.

It's like like I you give them your car and you walk inside. They give you a piece of paper. You walk inside. They give you another piece of paper and then you have to uh sit and wait for about an hour and then you get to go inside and then uh so I think the train left at like 3:30 yesterday and now uh it arrived where in somewhere in Florida at like 8:30.

>> So wait, hold on. I'm doing the uh producer. Can you can you do the numbers for me? Do you see how much?

>> Uh yes, yes, sir. Sorry, I am doing the math here. So, here we're going to round it up. We're going to take the numbers.

We're going to go, okay, that's 12 uh I would say seven. We're going to say by 17 hours, I think. >> That's a long time. That is I don't want to say too long, but that's a long long long long time.

Um, >> what wait wait wait wait wait. What' you do? What'd you do on the train? Do you get like a Did you get to sleep in one of the little sleeping things?

>> No, no, no, no, no. That was way too expensive. Uh, I uh whatever I did was like 150 bucks or something. Uh to to get your own little sleeping booth thing was like I I'm going to guess $10,000.

Now, let me I'm going to need to look at that contract cuz that doesn't make no sense at all. You got $1 150 just to sit in a seat and you're telling me $10,000 to that don't now I know you're not very good with money, but that just don't make even a little bit of s Yeah. So, okay. Um you So, you just sat in a chair for 17 hours?

>> Well, no. I um yeah, kind of. But no, but the chair like it the back went back. It reclined and then like the the little thingy your legs came up and um so in theory it should have been nice.

Uh the only problem Well, there were a couple problems. Um, I I think that I'm about I'm going to say 3 in too tall for whatever is considered uh to be the norm uh for tallness for tallitude because any place I go like airplanes and espec like this thing my if I had that extra three or 4 in then my feet wouldn't be What just happened? Crushed. My feet would not be like I have to bend them and I'm trying to like find little places to put them and it's miserable.

Um everything else back kind of okay. Um the funny thing is so there was this other guy who there's two seats on one side, two seats on the other. So I get there and uh seats open and I was like, "Hey." And the guy was like, "Oh, is this you?" And I was like, "Yeah." >> So he said, "Wait, so he started off aggressive immediately." >> Yeah. He didn't want a seat, a seat pal, a seat friend, whatever.

And uh so then I had to squeeze in, get into my seat. And uh the best part was in that 17 hours, those are the only words he said to me. So, uh, for me, for my money, that's that was great because I I didn't really feel like chatting with him. Um, especially, so as soon as I got and I sat down in the seat, he he was kind of aggravated and he was like, "Well, where's the armrest seat?" Cuz he wanted there to be an armrest in between us.

So, you know, God forbid there would be just empty space in between us. Who knows what h what chicainery could have happened. None. Um so I always just put my little headphones on and was kind of just said goodbye.

Tapped out. Um, and then the best cool thing was at some point I figured out there was a a dining car where you could go and and well and there were booths and I so I got to sit in a booth and it was much more comfortable. Um, and and um and then I they had I got a cheeseburger which was in a plastic bag and was microwaved and had no business being as delicious as it was. Um, I was kind of asking about some things on the menu and the the woman behind the counter was she's like, "I don't know.

I don't know. How's that?" I don't know. All right. What about the cheeseburger?

I don't know. A lot of people seem to get it. I'm sold. Ah, with those magic words, that's all I needed.

A lot of people get it. Perfect. And uh, so I sat down and I uh, the w there was Wi-Fi, so Hold on. Nothing.

What did you say? Like what? Flowers like that. It doesn't make any Yeah, I heard him.

I heard him too. I was going to say something else and then I heard him. I said because Are you a fancy person now? Cuz you're riding on a train that you're saying like a Wi-Fi like that.

No, I just It came out weird. I stopped. Um but now you know so I got to use the Wi-Fi which means I got to work which everyone knows I love to do all the time and uh now and now I you know I I think I sat there working for probably 3 or 4 hours and around 10:30 or so this guy who was working on the train uh walked by with this box and he was just like hey who wants you anybody hungry? and he just had all this free food.

And he gave me uh a thing of I'm going to go with chicken enchiladas, but I really don't know. And uh yeah, it was it was delicious. It was spicy. And uh it was free, which you I love free.

I love working and I love free. Um, so then I I didn't go back to the my actual seat until closer to like 11:30 or 12 cuz I knew like I was tired and I could just go and I could pass out. All right, great. Okay, so we don't need a run by like minute by minute of the entire trip.

Um, why are you in Florida? Oh yeah. So, I'm I'm going to a a podcast convention called Podfest and um and I get to speak at this thing now. Hold on just a second there.

What do you mean you're going to speak? You're speaking right now. Why are you gonna Why'd you have to go 900 miles onto a onto a a train and and and and and just to talk because I mean you could just talk wherever you are you seem to do. Everybody always Oh, now there's talking again.

There you go. He's talking some more. Yeah, I do know that people do say you do talk. >> Talk what?

No, I'm sorry. You do talk a talk a lot is I didn't I I kind of trailed off there a little bit. I um Yeah. Hey, what's uh what's going on with your uh your eye?

I noticed it's looking a little strange. Yes, I was. Ah, so I guess earlier this week I was just kind of sitting there minding my own business, watching television or whatever and uh one of my kids came in and he he he was just, "Hey, hey, Dad." And then he stopped and he got this terrified look and then he pointed at me and he goes, "What's wrong with your eye?" And I thought my eye just kind of hurt. I It's just kind of like pressure.

It's like, "Ah, I'm looking at the computer too much." whatever. And I got up and I I looked in the mirror. My left eye and was uh all bright red. So uh uh why was it all bright red, dude?

What do you What happened? Well, evidently I burst burst a blood vessel in my in my eye. And so I had something I don't remember the words. It was some super crazy Latin sounded like a magic spell words.

Um and I didn't know what. So I gave it a couple of days and I was just like maybe it'll just go away on its own. You know, I was putting ice packs on my eye which uh is weird. It's like a very cold pirate type of situation.

And then it wasn't going away. In fact, it was getting worse. So, finally I I went to a doctor and they um they checked it out and they were like, "That's some sort of subcutaneial blah blah blah he hemorrh hemorrhage hemorrhage blah blah blah." And blah blah gave you some medicine. But then it was something else too that other words that I don't know.

It's always good when I go to the doctor because I come home and my wife is like, "What did they say?" And I'm like, "I don't know." Like, I pretty much I'm in a conversation with the doctor, listening as I should, you know, uh paying attention and then the second I not even the second I I step out of the door, the second they stop talking, I've already forgotten everything that they could possibly have said. Um, so you know, it's uh I have an eye thing is what I like to call it. So I don't know. And you're going to go to uh your your little show, your podcast show with this blood eye?

>> Yes. I don't have a Yes. I I don't really have an option. I have drops drops for my eye and uh they're they're uh what other steroids.

>> Oh, Netty, now hold on a second. I don't know if I want to see you going down that road, you know. Uh steroids and I it's not not something you should be messing around with. And I uh No, no, no, no, no.

It's something just to make my eye feel better. It's gonna be okay, I think. I think. I don't know.

>> Well, but wait, hold on. So, you just do it in the one eye because what happens if your your left eye bulks up from all these steroids you're not doing and your right eye just stays all puny? What is that going to How's that going to look? How's that going to work out for you?

Oh, I don't know. I didn't think of that. Maybe I should be doing both eyes. Maybe I should I don't know.

I should probably find out about that. I um >> Well, hold on. So, what is your um your talk? What are you talking about?

The podcast the the show you you said you're talking. >> Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So, I'm um talking about uh improvised podcasts and uh you know, characters and how to make it all work and all that stuff. And I uh >> Well, hold on. You're talking about improvised podcasts.

Pod. We're all talking weird tonight. Must be the Florida in this. You're talking about improvised podcasts.

This doesn't make no s like all conversations are improvised for the most part, right? Well, yeah, but there are podcasts that are scripted and edited and all this stuff. And what do you mean about characters? What is that supposed to mean?

Why I mean, what are you talking about? I don't Well, I don't know. You know, the Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumper Car and some of his pals. It is familyfriendly, clean, and ridiculous.

Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https:ww.patreon.com/nattybumpercar. Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Share it with everyone everywhere.

Post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The Bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by producer. The Bumper podcast features contributions from Alawishious J.

Pig, Rufus T, Rufus, Doodle, Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our headtalker is probably Natty Bumper Car. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com/subscribe.

Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

Where where where where have I been? Where have I Where have have I been? I'm here now. Uh but I was I was somewhere else.

I was I was in Florida and I I I recorded an episode, but I don't I can't find it. It did not It's somewhere. It didn't upload. It didn't do any of the stuff.

So, you you're just you have no idea. I went to a a a thing a pod a podcasting conference a pod fest and I spoke and it was it was it was nice. I uh I didn't manage to stay at the hotel where the conference was because I uh looked at it too late and that's fine. I was staying maybe an eight 12 minute walk away.

Not too bad. Uh and you know I thought that's fine. I can walk over. I'll walk back.

It's going to be pleasant. And and it was cold. And also the hotel that I was staying in, I my assumption I made an assumption was all this is in Orlando. This is very close to, you know, big things, parks, whatever.

You know, people are going to come here. It's going to be nice. And well, I made a I made I made a mistake is what I did. >> Yeah.

What kind of mistake did you think you did? Hold on a second. What kind? There we go.

What kind of mistake do you think that you made? >> Oh uh hey pig. Um well my first mistake and I have to apologize immediat. I am so sorry that that I did not you did not come with me to the conference.

I got there and I looked around and I was like I'm here by myself. I don't have any of my little gaggle of uh of friends. Uh well before you accept friends right let's just acquaintances right work friends I think that's fine >> yeah proceed yes I tend to agree that you know we are all friendly here at work hello everyone it's me producer and we are friends here at work of course but we don't really um run in the same social circle so much you know so kind of tough when you're like oh my friends you know I don't we don't know anything. You know, pretty much the second that you leave the studio, we're like, "Okay, see you later." >> But no, none of that's true.

We all live at headquarters together. And no, I don't know why you're trying to make us work friends. We We are just friends. And I >> Hold on a second there, Nat.

Uh, it's me, Roffus to Root T Rufus. Uh, now we're going to get into a little bit of a gray area here cuz we we now while you were gone, you know, Gallivant down uh in in sunny Florida, we you know, kind of we had a an HR meeting. >> Oh, you did human resources. How did Where did we have that here?

>> Wait, you're saying HR stands for human resources? Okay, then we maybe we didn't do it right at all. Uh, we were talking about Homestar Runner. >> Oh, now hold on a second.

You can't just go out just saying that. That's I think that's trade copyritten marked. We were talking about uh HR puffing stuff we were talking about. Now, hold on because I was at this meeting as well.

And I thought we were talking about HR, which is of course the big magazine that's done in this swamp called Healthy Ribbits, which is all about telling frogs how to live a happy life, a healthy life. Uh we do box breeding, cro cro for 4 seconds in, 4 seconds out, and the whole thing. But I don't know what HR you guys are talking about right now. >> Yeah.

Good. I'm glad that you had Okay. I again was in Florida. I staying at a hotel and it looked nice from the outside, but then you go inside and the first, you know, the lobby nice, the people nice.

Uh and then you go into the elevator upstairs to the second floor where I was and it smelled like mold. It smelled like wet moldy dog, which I don't know is if that's a thing, but that was the that was that was what I was hit with as soon as I got out of the door. And it was called it was like an extended stay, which means I guess people you can live there maybe, but which doesn't make sense to me because it was far too expensive for that. Uh but every room had like a kitchenette.

Wait, like a um >> wait, you saw Janette? Janette was down in Florida. Oh man, I I lost touch with Janette. so long ago.

And I uh >> No, >> no, >> no. It was a kitchenette. >> Yeah, kitchenet. >> Oh, sorry.

>> Yeah. Uh so a kitchenette is just a small kitchen. Sorry. Uh and and it was it was terrible and I never even uh I would walk right through there.

Um all the furniture was pressed up against the wall, which was ve it was very nice looking. Uh, and and and the bed. Um, I I left the covers on and I used my bag as a pillow and um I put a what's the thing? A uh >> Is it a Is it a blanket?

>> A blanket? No, not a blanket. >> Oh, if you're talking about the thing on the bed that you put on top of your cell, that's called a blanket. So, you you on the right path there.

Just want to help you out. >> It could also be called like a covers. Uh, you know, you got a you got your covers, you got your blankets, you got your throws, you got your uh I don't know uh t what what is it thing that where you take the the blanket, but it's got like a empty and so you put the stuff a duvet might have been a duvet. It was loud.

>> Uh or was it a uh uh an afghan? >> No, sorry. So, it was my mistake cuz I see what I put a towel down on the bed. Uh, and then I used uh a couple of other towels as as blankets.

So, you guys are right with blankets. U but I used it. I didn't want to touch the bed basically. It was great.

Uh I I uh fully clothed with a jacket on. It was good. It was really comfortable sleeping in in mold. Um, and I I you know, if I find the hidden episode hidden, by hidden, I mean lost.

Uh, it'll tell you all about that the the train that I took down there. I drove to a place and then put my car on a train and then I got on a train and it was a it was an adventure. Uh, but not now. I want to talk about.

So I I would go to the the the podfest, right, and wander around and there were all kinds of people there and there were all kinds of talks and there were lectures and there were uh there was a a hall of people selling their wares, hawking their goods. And I uh you know, I would walk up and I'd be like, "Hi." Like, "Oh." And oh, do you have a podcast? was like, "Yeah, you know, you have a I have to wear a badge. It had my name, had the bumper, podcast, all the stuff." And and and and I, you know, it was it said uh speaker.

It was red on the bottom. And so then they would talk to me a little bit. Uh but I just it was I had a hard time connecting with people. It was very loud.

It was very overwhelming, overstimulating. And um you know, but you know, that's kind of the nature of of the the thing. I think I uh intentionally went to this to be outside of my comfort zone and whoa boy was I. So, uh I got there on Thursday and I went to this thing and I went for a lot of the day on Friday and was kind of just feeling like ick.

And so I ended up just going out and getting dinner uh and wandering around like this shopping place, which was, you know, not what I was there for, but uh I needed to uh to to reset a little bit. And uh had the most delicious fried chicken that I think I've ever had. Uh then I I got up the next morning and I was like, "All right, I'm gonna my my talk is at 3:30 and I'm gonna I'm gonna get up and I'm not going to go straight there. I'm going to go someplace where I can work and I'm going to build out my my uh >> Are you intentious presentation and everything?

>> Your presentations. You're not presenting well today. I got to say this is Are you intentionally being boring or what? What are we doing?

Is this how we do the podcast now? We're trying to Is this a sleep podcast? We trying to lull people to sleep. >> Fine.

No, I'll skip ahead. I did my talk. I didn't feel great and I kind of lost my voice while I was talking. I was like, "Oh, this is strange." And felt a little lightheaded, so I went to urgent care.

Oh, hold on a second. I don't I don't want to dismerge nobody, but you went to an urgent care in Florida. Well, yeah. I didn't have many options.

I was in Florida, but I tested negative for everything. No, no flu, no strep, whatever. And so, they gave me some meds and I was like, "All right, I'm on the mend." But then the next morning, I woke up and I felt terrible. And then I had to drive 20 hours back.

And I got home on a Monday and I should have gone to the hospital then because uh there was no breathing. I was there was no there was I was it was a distinct lack of breathing. Um and uh no no temperature. All right.

You know just uh no breathing. And uh I I was like I'll tough this out. I've already gone to the doctor. I've already gotten my meds.

I should be fine. >> I What kind of meds did they give to you because you was you know you said you were in Florida. Was it like a a tic tac or like like a lifesaver or just a piece of bubble gum or something? >> No, no, no, no.

It it was >> I would love a tic tac right now. Huh? Right. No, honestly, I could too.

Uh it was just like medicine. Med medicine medicine. I don't know. Um but I I I I took it everything and I did all the stuff and I got home and then Wednesday, uh finally we had this little doodad where you put your finger in and it tells you how much oxygen you have.

Uh, pulse oximter is what it's called. >> Oh, look who won gun on Florida and become all smart. Sound like a scientist. Look at you.

I'm proud of you. Thanks. I appreciate it. So, but it was it was it was uh 92 is a number on it.

And I finally did a little research and I was like, well, what is it supposed to be? You know, and it was like, if it goes to 90 or 92, you should already be in the emergency room. And if it goes below that, you're not you're done. Don't worry about it.

And I was like, "Oh, it's probably been at 90 or lower or something like for the past two days." So, I said, "All right, I'm going to go to the I'm going to go to the ER. I'm going to get checked out. Got to make sure that everything's okay." Drove over there. Was fine driving.

Fine. And I uh I got there at the door and there's a guard and he said, "Hey, what are you what are you here for? What do you what do you what do you want? Huh?

A tic tac? And I was like, "No, no, no." And uh I said, "Oh, I can't I can't breathe." And then they threw me into a wheelchair and they zipped me back and then they kept me in the hospital for two days. Two days. That's where I've been.

>> So every time that the phone was ringing and it had the name of the hospital, was that was that was that you? Should we have been answering that? because Rufus was afraid it was like a bill that he hadn't paid and so we just, >> you know, we kept letting go to voicemail. >> Yeah, that was >> that was me.

>> Should we apologize? >> I mean, you don't have to because I guess you didn't know it was me, but I guess you could have either answered the phone or listened to the message uh the multiple messages I think that were sent. Did you Did none of you worry? Did none of you wonder where I had gone to?

>> No. Honestly, no. because you know you just went to Florida and you left us and so we're like oh looks like somebody's going on another big podcast trip or wherever he goes it's you know and so I you know we maybe you know maybe we did we didn't know where you were but maybe we were just like he's too big for his bridges and he doesn't want to talk to us anymore because we're just like oh we're just a little bumper podcast you know. >> Yeah.

Speaking of which, uh, uh, uh, britches. Um, does anybody I had a pile of bridges that I had washed and dried and I don't They were like I stacked them. I folded them. They were all perfect and now I I don't know.

I don't know where they went. >> Now you're saying breaches. >> Britches. >> Breaches?

>> No. Britches? >> Like dungarees? >> Yeah, like pants.

I I don't know. Are they called britches? Isn't that a thing? >> I think that's fine.

>> Is that like a brand? No, I think it's just like a different >> I think it's a different name. But if people are stealing people's pants, then we might have to get HR back in here. >> Oh, we're going to call Healthy Frog and get them back in there.

Perfect. I have a great idea for a recipe. Okay. >> NO.

The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumper Car and some of his pals. It is familyfriendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https/www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar.

Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Share it with everyone everywhere. Post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley.

It's recorded, mixed, and produced by producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Alawishious J. Pig, Rufus, Tufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumper Car.

We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com/subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at natty bumpercar. Hugs and hearts.

See you soon.